Geek to Geek Chic – The history of gaming by me.

9 Mar

I am a very big Scott Pilgrim fan. It’s a well known fact amongst my nearest and dearest. When I found that the books where being made into a film, I wet myself with excitement and further wrecked another pair of pants when my boyfriend informed me that there was going to be a game. A Scott Pilgrim game. A fucking Scott Pilgrim game?! Hell yes!! There was just one problem. I’m not a very good gamer.

In all honesty, saying I’m not very good is probably being polite. I’m absolutely crap. A while ago I played Tekken with my other half and it didn’t go very well. I lost. Quite a lot. In fact, I don’t think I won a single fight. I asked if, for once, he would go easy and let me win now and then. Not a good idea. No, he wasn’t going to go easy on me and the fact that I was losing was all my fault. I was being a button basher and not using tact or skill. Button bashing?! That’s pretty much how you play these types of games, right? What it all came down to was the simple fact that I had no idea what moves corressponded to which button. Or how to string moves together to, well, fight decently. And so he kicked my ass to the ground. Every. Single. Time.

It probably doesn’t come to much of a surprise then to find out that I’m not brilliant at playing the Scott Pilgrim game either. So it got me thinking, just what exactly is my gaming history? Well…

I got a Playstation, aged 10, after asking for one ever since it came out. My first game was Spice World. Enough said. I also owned Tomb Raider which, embarrassingly, scared the shit out of me. I hated the bats, the bloody bear in the pit, the velociraptors, that damn T-Rex. I either never made it into the ledge or never went in far enough to kill the ol’ Rexy and, hardly surprising, never completed the game. I managed to get to 99% on Crash Bandicoot Warped before accidently scratching the disc so it never worked again. I had Star Wars Dark Forces which I loved but could never complete. As in, never complete a single level. X-Men Mutant Academy 2 I also owned and the only game I ever completed was Spyro 2 Gateway to Glimmer. What a fantastic track record.

The year after I got a Gameboy Colour for the sole purpose of being able to play Pokemon Red, Blue and Yellow. This, I believe, has and will be my only sole true calling to the gaming world. I was bloody brilliant. I had all 150 and they were all at level 100. For the record, I liked to train and collect water Pokemon.

And then… wilderness. I lost both consoles. My re-introduction to the gaming world came when a year and a half ago I bought a second hand PS2. And what do I have? A Tony Hawk game which I’m not very good at and a Spyro game which pisses me off because I find controlling him with the little stick thing very hard. Fucking Spyro the bloody Dragon for Christ’s sake! I bought my one true love Crash Team Racing to play but I have no PS1 memory card so I can’t save anything. My only other purchase? PaRappa the Rapper 2 which in times of stress I find I end up singing to myself.

So you can see why my boyfriend gets frustrated when I end up throwing him across the room when I meant to hit someone with my hammer whilst we’re playing Scott Pilgrim. After all, I am the girl whose only Xbox live achievement is the secret one for falling down a man hole 5 times in the TMNT Arcade game…

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