Geek to Geek Chic – Scott Pilgrim The Game VS Us PART 1

2 Apr

As we all know, my gaming ability is somewhat limited, as in absolutely awful. Being a big Scott Pilgrim fan, as we also already know, my boyfriend has left his Xbox at mine so we can complete the game together. Him as Pilgrim and me as Ramona. Its been working so far. I’d say we’ve done pretty well but he’d say he’s done pretty well because I’m not very good at playing and he does most of the work. I will admit that at times when I have tried to hit someone with my hammer, I have accidently thrown him across the room instead. Not intentional. The main thing is that I try, right? And boy have we both been trying to beat the evil bastard that is Gideon Gordon Graves.

We have tried countless times to trash this guy but he’s just too hard. Yet it can’t be that hard because other people have kicked his ass. So yesterday we attempted, again, to try and complete the level and it didn’t go down very well…

11.55pm – Attempt one – Epic fail. I died before we’d even got to Gideon. Where the hell were all our lives?! Why did I start with only 2? Why don’t I know more about this kind of stuff…

12.07am – Attempt two – I die again which leaves my boyfriend on his own to fight Gideon. He does pretty well. ‘I seem to do better when you’re not with me’ are his words. I die a little inside.

12.20am – Attempt three – We’re trying a new tactic in the lift. Using more hits and combo moves we’ll try and stay in the lift until the countdown finishes so that we’ll have most of our lives and health left for fighting GGG. Doesn’t work. Gideon defeats us again, although in this round I have managed to hit him a few times with multiple punches and hammer hits. It’s not good enough though. The trauma of the whole experience is bringing back bad memories for my man. He’s telling me how he had a similar situation with Street Fighter 2 on SNES and how he never completed it because Ryu kept throwing him hadoukens. ‘I fucking hate this game, its shit. Games should be easy and fun, not stressful. Life is fucking stressful.’

12.30am – The game is on pause and we are now scouring YouTube for videos to help us. Gideon is too hard and we need resources. On an interesting note, I have learnt two things from this experience. Firstly, gaming makes you very stressed. Being stressed before trying to complete an essay for University in the early hours of the morning is not a good idea. So either I don’t play the game or I do my work in daylight hours. Time management is not my forte. Secondly, enthusiasm stands for nothing. I am enthusiastic about the Scott Pilgrim game but I have no skills. Skills are far more important. I don’t think I would even pass GCSE gaming with an E grade.

Watching this video, suddenly I don’t feel so bad. The person playing Ramona in it is only marginally better than I am. However, HOLY MOTHERFUCKER, how do they all have 8/9 lives?!?!?! What are we doing wrong?! At least we finally get a glimpse of what the bottom of the elevator looks like. Yep, we haven’t even made it that far on the lift…  And oh my God, he makes killing Gideon look as easy as eating a bag of jelly babies. What the hell are we doing wrong? ‘New tactic. One in the back, one in the front. We’ll spitroast that fucker’.

This guy plays it on the hardest level? We can’t even complete it on Average Joe… I am noticing a pattern here, how come everyone has so many bloody lives?! ‘The guy is chewing gum during a video walkthrough, what the fuck is he doing? WHAT. WHAT THE HELL?!’. Right now, me and the boyfriend are not happy… Best quote of the video – ‘Gideon number one is down, once again don’t ask, I don’t know’.  What the fuck Sherlock?! At this point the video gets switched off.

12.48am – Have read somewhere that Wallace has a secret shop that you can buy lives from. We are off to find the secret shop.

12.50am – Instead of the secret shop, we have stumbled into the video rental shop. If you pay off Scott’s late fees, you can buy lives for $5! If its one thing I’m good at its collecting coins, so I lend my money to my boyfriend so he can pay off his fees. He buys some lives. We then realise I now can’t afford to pay off the fees in order to buy myself $5 lives. We move on, I am not in a good mood. There goes my one chance…

12.52am – We’ve had enough of the lives bullshit so we are investigating cheat codes instead. I can’t believe we’ve sunk this low. Having said that, I can’t complete Star Wars Dark Forces without the cheat code. I guess I can’t really complain…

12.55am – My boyfriend is now playing alone. We don’t get to try the spitroast tactic. I’m so disheartened that I’m writing my University essay instead. And I thought British Social Realism was depressing… My man is now playing with the Power of Love sword! WOW! He’s taking everyone down, this is wicked!

12.57am – Power of Love sword has now disappeared?? Just in time for Gideon, how convinient…

1.11am – Boyfriend has made it to the subspace highway and the ugly Tetsuo looking Gideon number two. The sword is now back? My boyfriend manages a few hits before he dies. ‘This is a crap game’.

And so we decided to watch Robot Chicken instead. Until next time Gideon…

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