Tag Archives: Blowjob

Risk – Joe D’Amato’s ‘Papaya: Love Goddess Of The Cannibals’ (1978)

16 Jul

Papaya: Love Goddess Of The Cannibals has enlightened me of one thing and one thing only. The papaya fruit is actually quite big in reality and not as small as Tropicana’s packaging would have me believe. But this film isn’t about fruit juice, no, it’s about Papaya (Melissa Chimenti), the female leader of a cannibal tribe who literally seduces and destroys a team of geologists who try  to rid an island of her tribe.

Now, when I say seduce and destroy, I really do mean seduce and destroy. Take the poor sod who falls for Papaya in the first five minutes of the film. After some erotic massage and great sex, she bites off his penis mid blow job and then sets the wooden hut he is in on fire so he burns to death. All because he wants to build a nuclear reactor on the island. Is this Joe D’Amato’s attempt at nuclear power politics? I won’t go that far, but lets not dismiss this example of exploitation cinema from holding such a message. Shot and released the year after Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, the feature is much the same – beautiful locations, some steamy sex scenes and a bunch of bloody murders to bulk out the cannibal plot line. Sadly, Emanuelle just feels a little more superior and Papaya feels like a very premature rip-off (D-Amato directed both films).

Having said that, Papaya is still worth a watch. Chimenti is absolutely beautiful as the titular Papaya and Sirpa Lane as reporter Sara is a perfect juxtaposition against her in both looks and character. It’s also a bit of fun as are most of D’Amato’s pictures, not exactly cinematic gems but brilliant exploitation genre films none the less.

For me, there’s just one problem. D’Amato can’t make rubbing a papaya over your body look fun or erotic. For food fun, Nine 1/2 Weeks did it so much better.

Another Girl Another Planet – Michael Benveniste & Howard Ziehm’s ‘Flesh Gordon’ (1974)

13 Jun

Sometimes you really can’t beat a good sex parody, and that’s just what 1974 release Flesh Gordon is. Written by Michael Benveniste who went on to co-direct with Howard Ziehm, Flesh Gordon is a porno inspired by the 1930s Flash Gordon serial films and comics (that feature film that we all remember wasn’t released until 1980…) which begins perfectly with a small introduction, and disclaimer, which highlights the Depression of the 30s and assures us that this film has nothing to do with the original comics or their writers. As if they’d want to have anything to do with a film like this…

The film is effectively your typical Flash Gordon fare with an added incredibly camp sexual twist. Earth has become under threat from an evil sex ray that is being beamed from another planet, causing people to become sexually hysterical in a ‘total degradation that has overcome the masses’. Professor Gordon decides that his son Flesh (that’s right, every name is a sexual-like pun on the original characters name) is the only one who can stop it, and after seeing first hand what the sex ray can do (in a scene that turns a normal flight into a plane orgy and then see’s Flesh get a mid-air blowjob whilst parachuting down to land), Flesh sets out to destroy the evil device.

Teaming up with Dr Flexi Jerkoff (aka Dr Alexis Zarkov) and love interest Dale Ardor (aka Dale Arden), Flesh makes his way to planet Porno (aka Mongo, in a spaceship that looks a lot like a vibrating dildo) to bring down the tyrannous Emperor Wang the Perverted (aka Ming the Merciless… you get the idea right?) and together they encounter all manner of Porno inhabitants, including a number of animated penisaurus, an underground group of lesbian Amazonian’s, hermaphrodite wrestling monsters and, lets not forget, the rapist robots with twirling, screwdriver-like dicks.

Originally released with an X certificate, it was re-edited and eventually received an R rating, whilst later releases included both gay and straight hardcore shots that had been supposedly cut out. However, even with these shots included, the film isn’t that much different. The sex scenes are well choreographed so that you don’t really see anything and the hardcore shots don’t fare any better, in fact they look exactly the same. Still, at least the mass orgies, of which there are a few, allude to a lot of good stuff! Aside from the obvious draw of sex, the other fantastic reason to see the film are the somewhat terrible but inventive effects, all done by artists who would go on to later have big special effects careers in cinema (Rick Baker, Doug BeswickMick Minor, Dave Allen, Jim Danforth and Dennis Muren!). The sex ray looks nothing more than red exploding cupcake sprinkles and some of the models are rather obviously shoddy but all have their charm. Also included are scenes using stop motion animation (a personal favourite of mine) which wonderfully evoke the talents of animation legend Ray Harryhausen. The climatic monster The Great God Porno at the end of the film, voiced by an uncredited Craig T Nelson, especially looks like he could have stepped out of Harryhausen’s greek myth features and the beautiful Beetleman who could have easily appeared in one of Ray’s sci-fi pictures.

Flesh Gordon is not the best film you will ever see, but I defy you to other sex parodies out there that really encompass the charm and feel of the properties they are piss-taking. There’s awful acting, bad one liners and some really dire day-for-night shots but the film has a great script and a good narrative that holds the whole picture together. The sex fits into the story perfectly, and whilst it is obviously gratuitous (it’s a porno for God’s sake!), it doesn’t feel out-of-place. My only qualm is that nearly all of the scenes feel very frantic which sadly means you don’t get to glimpse an awful lot. That’s not to say there isn’t a lot of 70s muff, hairy chests, bad facial hair and flesh in all shapes and sizes! If you can track this film down it’s well worth a watch, a terrific slice of kitsch, sexy parody with a heart full of charm. A glorious cult classic.   

Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Should’nt’ve – Jonathan Yudis’s ‘Pervert!’ (2005)

29 Feb

I bloody love Amazon. It recommends me all sorts of exploitation goodness and sexy stuff thanks to what I buy every month. Sometimes Amazon gets it completely wrong and sometimes Amazon hits the nail on the head so perfectly I want it in plush form so I can give it some massive cuddle. The latest gem it pointed out to me was the 2005 Russ Meyer tribute Pervert! directed by Jonathan Yudis.

The film see’s college student James (Sean Andrews) return to his family’s desert ranch to help out his father, Hezekiah (Darrell Sandeen), for the summer. James finds that Hezekiah has gotten remarried to the rather busty Cheryl (porn star Mary Carey) but it doesn’t take long for Cheryl and James to hook up, only for Hezekiah to find out and fight with his wife over it. Then Cheryl disappears… Old man Hezekiah returns home from town with another voluptuous broad attached to his arm, Alisha, who also quickly falls for James. Then one night Cheryl turns up and dies in front of James, the same night that Hezekiah finds Alisha dead. What follows is a bizarre romp including bouncing breasts, a witch doctor, sculptures made of meat and a homicidal penis.

Pervert! is a horror-comedy-sexploitation film that Film Threat is quoted as saying ‘Smells like Russ Meyer’. Except that it doesn’t just smell of Meyer, the film reeks of it and for all the best reasons. For the seasoned Meyer fan, the film is full of references that will make you squeal with delight. The film opens with a mad preacher introducing the story that reminds you of Mudhoney (1965) and the evangelical preacher of Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens (1979). Then there’s the desert ranch itself, a near copycat of the ranch in Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965), complete with its own water tank (and, yes, Yudis even includes a scene of his leading lady washing by it that is shot exactly like Meyer’s shots of Lori Williams and Tura Satana doing the same). Mary Carey even has a scene which completely takes Satana’s corn on the cob eating scene from Faster Pussycat! and raises the bar a good fifty miles in the air. Not content with keeping the Meyer references at that, Yudis includes desert shots that look like they could have been lifted from Cherry, Harry & Raquel! (1969) and Supervixens (1975) and a rattlesnake gag and cool pick up truck that wouldn’t be out-of-place in Motorpsycho (1965). Those were just the really obvious references, I couldn’t be bothered to list all of them when making notes!

It’s not just the very well done references to Meyer’s films that make the film so successful but the realised grindhouse/exploitation tone of the whole piece. The script is great, full of one liners and innuendo that are found across the sex comedy and sexploitation genre’s in general; ‘I’ve handled a lot of fruit in my time. It’s one thing I’ve never minded, it’s a little bruises and spots’ (Hezekiah when spanking Cheryl), ‘You’re a rotten constitution in the court of man!’. There is, of course, plenty of nudity with female forms that hark back to a time when stick thin wasn’t the ‘in thing’ and breasts that Meyer would obviously stamp with a seal of approval. In other words, beautiful, bouncy and big. Even the film’s opening, with the grainy and faded logo for production company Stag Films and campy Horny-14 (‘Approved for all perverts by the director of this film. Pregnant women and men with an erection at this point in the film should leave now.’) feels legitimately vintage in exploitation glory.

Let’s not forget to mention the acting which is tongue-in-cheek in all the right places. Andrews as Sean is fantastic playing the naive and possibly cursed (?) role that so many cute boys played in 60s/70s sex-horror films, all puppy dog eyes and innocence craving life experience. Carey is great as the spunky (excuse the pun) and sex-fuelled Cheryl, pulling the innocent girl next door card when necessary and who would have been a perfect Meyer candidate if we were still in the 70s. The rest of the female cast are also terrific, their slightly wooden delivery perfect for a film of this ilk with special mention going to Lucia whose role as the Uschi Digard/Kitten Natividad montage girl is nailed perfectly. Best of all is Sandeen as Hezekiah who is clearly channeling Stuart Lancaster’s role as The Old Man in Faster Pussycat! but still manages to put his own memorable spin on it.

The real star of the show, however, has to be the stop-motion murderous penis who wrecks havoc in the last half of the feature. This is definitely where Yudis’s previous experience working in comedy and animation really come to shine, the penis animated with much personality and a rough and ready style that suits the spirit and tone of the picture.All in all, a fabulous homage to the B-movies of sexploitation and horror and a wonderful tribute to the ‘King of the Nudies’ Russ Meyer, Pervert! is a must watch for any fan who enjoys what exploitation and grindhouse cinema used to bring to the big (and small) screen!

‘Rivelazioni di uno psichiatra sul mondo perverso del sesso’ (1973) review

24 Feb

I love recommendations, the chance to seek and hunt out films that you may never have found for yourself (although I’m still wondering why so many people thought I’d like Island of Death, blatantly the goat scene…). So when the lovely folk at VTSS sent me the present of an Italian film to watch, I was more than happy to give it a go. And with a title like Revelations of a Psychiatrist in the World of Sexual Perversion, I really could not wait…

So attempt number one came and then went rather abruptly. You see, Revelations… isn’t really a film with a plot but more of a chronicle of sexual perversions with a documentary feel. The overarching story is that the cases of sexual perversion are being discussed by a lecturer and his group of students. He reads off examples of each case and classmates discuss and debate, more in the tone that you are watching small filmic vignettes of Krafft-Ebing’s seminal piece of work ‘Psychopathia Sexualis’.

You can, then, imagine the type of stuff the film focuses on. Witness some bizarre scenes, like the man who likes to act and be treated like a dog, his face in a muzzle, nuzzling up to some pretty epic displays of 1970’s pubic topiary, or the woman who rubs a huge plush donkey up and down herself whilst masturbating. Yes, just like in Emanuelle in America there is a scene involving bestiality but that finishes almost as soon as it starts and if you can bear that for the sake of the rest of the film, you’re in for a treat (this is where attempt number one to watch the film stopped for me, when you’ve spent a week accidently stumbling upon things whilst doing research on a documentary on zoophiles, even this scene – which is rather tame I can bloody assure you – was enough…).

The rest of the film then explores other scenarios, perversions and fetishes. In your typical exploitation way you’ve got some glorified rape and a rather long but pretty good orgy sequence with a tonne of hardcore shots and lots of ejaculation. Add to that some slightly humorous escapades of individuals who like the thought of ironing out the female form (yes, a man, a prostitute and an iron…) and being a train. All of this, and more, interspaced between some genuine musings from the studies of Krafft-Ebing, Jung and Freud make for a rather interesting watch…

God, I love presents.

Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon – Francis Giacobetti’s ‘Emmanuelle 2’ (1975)

23 Sep

Emmanuelle. One word that sends shivers down my spine, and not the orgasmic kind… Friends of mine and readers of this blog will already know that I hated Emmanuelle when I finally watched it. The French film, directed by Just Jaeckin, was a hit when released in 1974 and made European softcore porno-chic the next big thing, capitalizing on the success and popularity of Gerard Damiano’s Deep Throat, released in 1972. The pastel colouring, Victoriana interiors and soft lighting all present in the film became clichés that continue to influence softcore pornography even now and Emmanuelle’s personal quest of sexual discovery has continued to remain popular over the years. Much to everyone’s surprise, I couldn’t stand Jaeckin’s feature. I found Emmanuelle, as played by lead actress Sylvia Kristel, to be incredibly immature and unlikable, her sexual adventures to be embarrassing more than erotic and the whole film to be one long narrative on how you shouldn’t be having sex if you’re not ready for it. And yet, I kept thinking, there must be one Emmanuelle film out there I might like considering the first film spawned countless sequels and spinoffs…

Emmanuelle (Sylvia Kristel) and her husband Jean (Umberto Orsini)

Enter Emmanuelle 2. Released a year after the original film and directed by Francis Giacobetti, Emmanuelle 2 is essentially Emmanuelle all over again. Emmanuelle (Kristel) is traveling back to Hong Kong by ship to be with her husband Jean (Orsini) and on the way there has sex with a female stranger. When eventually in Hong Kong and reunited with Jean, she slips back into the expat lifestyle she enjoyed in the first film, which basically involves sleeping with her husband and with anyone else she fancies. Emmanuelle recounts various sexual experiences she has had throughout the film before seducing a young girl Anna Maria (Catherine Rivet) and getting her husband to take her virginity.

Emmanuelle and Anna Maria (Catherine Rivet)

Well, where do I begin? If you guessed that I hated it, then you guessed correctly. Emmanuelle 2 is just as boring and drawn out as the original. Kristel couldn’t act in the first one and she can’t act in this either. Whilst Emmanuelle doesn’t feel like an emotionally immature young girl in this one, she instead comes across as a selfish spoilt brat. I find Sylvia Kristel unattractive anyway but this characterisation makes watching her in the film unbearable. Umberto Orsini is somewhat more believable, and handsome, in the role of Jean but points go to Rivet. Her role as the inquisitive, shy virgin feels like the only genuine performance! Plus she’s also rather pretty to look at. The rest of the film just seems very bloated with some ridiculous scenes (Emmanuelle having a random orgasm whilst doing acupuncture on herself and a man watches her awkwardly) and terrible acting (the facial expressions of Kristel and Orsini are hilariously wooden, are you jealous of each other or getting off on what you’re doing, it feels like the former).

I dread, with all my heart, watching the third one.

Go With The Flow – Bud Townsend’s ‘Alice In Wonderland’ (1976)

26 Jul

Following on from Al Adamson’s sexploitation-musical Cinderella 2000 , I gave Bud Townsend’s 1976 X-Rated musical Alice In Wonderland a viewing, with it proving more entertaining than the former! Originally released as an X certificate feature, the film was picked up by 20th Century Fox and re-released the following year with an R-rating and three minutes of cuts. Upon its VHS release, the three minutes of hardcore footage were reinstated and the DVD disc menu gives you the option to watch either this ‘XXX’ version or the cut ‘X’ version. Of course I was going to choose the ‘XXX’ version!

The picture begins with a screen message telling the audience that the feature being seen is a ‘brand new motion picture’ with ‘never before seen scenes’. The supposed speculation that extra footage had been shot was correct and ‘the Producer has finally relented. The public should be allowed to see this motion picture as it was intended to be shown’. In other words, the cut footage has been put back in. After a credit song that could rival the disco-esque title tunes of Cinderella 2000 and Norman J. Warren’s Spaced Out (1979), we are introduced to our titular Alice, Playboy Pin-Up and cover girl Kristine DeBell. The situation that Alice is in is your very basic and typical porno/sexploitation relationship scenario. She has a potential love interest, William, but she spurns his advances deciding working as a librarian is more important and time-consuming. Cue William’s response of ‘You’re body’s all grown up but still the mind of a little girl… too bad you’re missing so much… You’ve got all the equipment, you just don’t know how to put it to work’.

Kristen DeBell promoting the film on the front cover for the April 1976 issue of Playboy

 After being left by William, she falls asleep reading a copy of Alice In Wonderland and suddenly finds herself being taken on a journey of sexual discovery. This is when it starts to get a little bizarre, with cue cards announcing sexual landmarks that Alice is about to overcome (‘Alice makes new friends and gets a lickin”, ‘Alice learns you can’t keep a good man down’) and the odd moment that’s meant to be erotic but feels awkward. Kudos to the filmmakers though for being the first adaptation of Alice that I’ve seen where she drinks the ‘Drink Me’ potion and her clothes don’t shrink with her. Then again, it is a porno so getting her nude in the first ten minutes is pretty much a ‘must’…

The film is full of a cast that Lewis Carroll would be jealous of. Wonderland’s animal creatures are far more disturbing than the woodland friends of Cinderella’s in Cinderella 2000, channeling the school-play-gone-bad look. They also play host to the most awkward sexual moment in a porno I’ve seen so far, asking Alice to come back and let them play with her when her breasts are full of milk. Not really what I want to hear when I’m trying to get off… The Mad Hatter is typically off the wall with a penis that’s just a big to match (‘That’s not the size of my hat, that’s the size of my thingymajig!’). Much to my surprise, Humpty Dumpty makes an appearance (I had no idea he featured in Carroll’s sequel Through The Looking Glass) with a problem that could easily be solved in this decade with a certain blue pill. The Queen of Hearts is a sexual predator out to sleep with whoever she wants, with a wardrobe that could quite possibly be worn by Lady Gaga in the next few weeks. My favourite interpretation would be that of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, two incredibly randy teenagers who are stuck to each others bodies like glue. They also get the prize of the best interchange between two characters; ‘I love you like a brother’, ‘Aren’t you forgetting I am your brother’.

To sum up, if you like dated porno chic and pornography that genuinely tries to have some kind of narrative then this is a must. Far more musically accomplished than other musical sexploitation pictures that came out in the same decade, the film certainly does have some unique charm about it despite being full of clichés (Alice and William do end up together in the end, having the most ‘romanticized’ candle-lit sex with each other I have seen yet…). Kristen DeBell is delightful as Alice and tries to play her with more to her character than just a two-dimensional adult movie prop. She continued to act in TV movies and series but her career never really took off to stellar heights which is a shame as she seemed to have some actual talent (and no, I’m not talking of that kind of talent…). If it’s sex you’re after than the ‘XXX’ cut has its far share, from the somewhat touching moments between Tweedledum and Tweedledee to the random, like The White Rabbit taking the euphemism for cunnilingus of ‘eating out’ to the next level by literally eating out a woman’s vagina with a spoon. Now, if that doesn’t sell it to you somehow, I’m not sure what else will.

 

Ten Things I Learnt About Sex from Russ Meyer

24 Jun

I’ve learnt a lot from Russ Meyer over the past eleven years, and no doubt there are a few of you out there who could do with learning a thing or two yourself. Filled with frequent mild adult content, but you wouldn’t expect anything less from me, I give you the Top Ten things I’ve learnt from the King of sexploitation himself. Agree? Disagree? Let me know!

1. Lesbianism always ends in tears.
It didn’t work out in Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and the lesbian couple in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls got murdered in the most phallic way of all; getting shot in the head via a gun blow job. Meyer himself even reduced actress Erica Gavin to tears filming the girl on girl scene for Vixen. It’s never worked out for me either.

2. Sex is always fantastic outside.
Need visual proof? Check out the outdoor fun the couples are having in Up!, Vixen and Good Morning and… Goodbye! Enough said.
 
3. Men love lashings of eyeliner and stockings on a woman.
Thanks to Meyer, I’ve never had any complaints. Men love something they can peel off a woman and who doesn’t like the look of bedroom eyes…?
 
4. Women think about sex just as much as men.
The biggest misconception in life is that men think about sex or are driven by it far more than women. Wrong. Thanks to characters like Varla (Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!), Sheila Ross (Common Law Cabin) and Ashley St. Ives (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) I’m planning on making a career out of analysing it in cinema.  And that’s just the nicest way I could end this point…
 
5. Breast is best.
Meyer had the biggest breast fetish known to man and it influenced his whole career. He made sure he had everything on film from, in his own words, ‘small’ (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) to ‘normal and relatable’ (Vixen) to ‘the biggest’ (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens and Pandora Peaks). He even made one film strictly on the basis of dancers getting to show their talent and boobs, Mondo Topless.
 
6. Germans are perverts.
Being German myself, I already know this. If you need proof, just go and take a look at Hitler in Up! or Martin Bormann in Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens.
 
7. Sex can sometimes equal death.
One I’m hoping I never get involved in… Meyer could see the link between sex and death long before the slasher film made franchises out of it. Most violently seen in Supervixens but also Lorna, Motorpsycho, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Up!
 
8. Fetishes are ridiculously fun.
Meyer knew that people liked to get off on different things. So whether its feet, body paint, outdoor fun, being spanked, leather, big boobs, domination, sadomasochism, same-sex, submission or kinky underwear, chances are there’s a scene in at least one Meyer film for you.
 
9. ‘Normal’ vanilla vaginal sex is great but sometimes only anal will do.
And if you don’t believe me, go and watch Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens.
 
10. Sex really does make the world go round.
If you didn’t realise it was everywhere before watching Meyer’s filmography then you bloody well will afterwards…