Tag Archives: Ejaculation

Nightcall – Curt McDowell’s ‘Thundercrack!’ (1975)

30 Jun

Where does one begin with a film like Thundercrack!? In all honesty, I’m not quite sure where, because the film feels like a dense two-hour plus epic of bizarre proportions. Once seen, definitely never forgotten. Essentially Thundercrack! is an ‘old dark house’ horror story with a tonne of gratuitous hardcore sex scenes thrown in for, what feels like some very strange, fun. Directed by Curt McDowell and written by Mark Ellinger and George Kuchar (the well-known American underground and avant-garde filmmaker), the feature is beautifully shot in black and white with frames composed to highlight the physical and mental mess of the characters minds and lives. Mess I might add is a bit of an understatment.

This is an entry I’ll keep incredibly brief because the film is one that really has to be seen to be believed. Do you like weird, quirky, sexual films with a heavy B-movie aesthetic even though the flick is question is probably lower than B on the movie scale? Great! This one is definitely for you. With a varied amount of highly strung and very over the top characters (Mrs Gert Hammond in particular), weird-multi stranded narratives and enough sex to shake your stick at, you can see why this film is a bit of a cult favourite. Not to mention one that has been unavailable in parts of the world until late because of its content (lots and lots of lovely hardcore shots including vaginal penetration, anal penetration, sex toys, erections, masturbation, oral sex, ejaculation…). Throw in a generous dash of black humour (very fake flashbacks, paper sets, someone inadvertently masturbating someone else, an incident with a gorilla…) and you’ve got an unforgettable film that is well worth picking up.

‘Rivelazioni di uno psichiatra sul mondo perverso del sesso’ (1973) review

24 Feb

I love recommendations, the chance to seek and hunt out films that you may never have found for yourself (although I’m still wondering why so many people thought I’d like Island of Death, blatantly the goat scene…). So when the lovely folk at VTSS sent me the present of an Italian film to watch, I was more than happy to give it a go. And with a title like Revelations of a Psychiatrist in the World of Sexual Perversion, I really could not wait…

So attempt number one came and then went rather abruptly. You see, Revelations… isn’t really a film with a plot but more of a chronicle of sexual perversions with a documentary feel. The overarching story is that the cases of sexual perversion are being discussed by a lecturer and his group of students. He reads off examples of each case and classmates discuss and debate, more in the tone that you are watching small filmic vignettes of Krafft-Ebing’s seminal piece of work ‘Psychopathia Sexualis’.

You can, then, imagine the type of stuff the film focuses on. Witness some bizarre scenes, like the man who likes to act and be treated like a dog, his face in a muzzle, nuzzling up to some pretty epic displays of 1970’s pubic topiary, or the woman who rubs a huge plush donkey up and down herself whilst masturbating. Yes, just like in Emanuelle in America there is a scene involving bestiality but that finishes almost as soon as it starts and if you can bear that for the sake of the rest of the film, you’re in for a treat (this is where attempt number one to watch the film stopped for me, when you’ve spent a week accidently stumbling upon things whilst doing research on a documentary on zoophiles, even this scene – which is rather tame I can bloody assure you – was enough…).

The rest of the film then explores other scenarios, perversions and fetishes. In your typical exploitation way you’ve got some glorified rape and a rather long but pretty good orgy sequence with a tonne of hardcore shots and lots of ejaculation. Add to that some slightly humorous escapades of individuals who like the thought of ironing out the female form (yes, a man, a prostitute and an iron…) and being a train. All of this, and more, interspaced between some genuine musings from the studies of Krafft-Ebing, Jung and Freud make for a rather interesting watch…

God, I love presents.

About Sex, But Not – ‘Evil Dead II’ (1987)

6 Nov

ON THE SURFACE – During a weekend break in the woods, a young man battles an evil spirit force and the undead.

SCRAPING THE BARREL – During a weekend break in the woods, a young man battles with his masturbation addiction. Lets face it, we’ve all been there. Sometimes there are periods of time when it doesn’t matter how many times in the day you’ve already done it, you’ve just got to masturbate again. That evil force in the woods? That’s Ash’s constant wanting to bash another out. His girlfriend’s reanimated corpse? His mind searching through his past sexual experiences to find a scenario to masturbate to, perfectly illustrated by her biting his (prefered masturbation) hand whilst saying ‘Hello lover!’ (beginning of a new fantasy). The hand becoming possessed? Well that’s simply your unconscious sexuality. Just think, how many times have you found that your hand has worked its way down to your pants and you didn’t realise? Poor Ash, he just wants another orgasm so he can carry on with the rest of his day (beat the undead so he can leave the woods) but sometimes, the more you’ve already done it, the harder and longer it can be to climax again (look at Annie struggling to read out the curse at the most crucial time in the film). Still, once it’s happened, its worth it. Those Medieval Knights at the end of the film could probably do with a wank or two. That would banish that sexual tension-filled deadite terrorising them…

Evil Dead II – Dead By Dawn was screened alongside Nightmare on Elm Street on Halloween as part of Nightmares & Deadites – The Dark Art of Graham Humphreys. Hosted by horror writer and filmmaker Paul Davis, the double bill was a celebration and exhibition of the work of Humphreys, a graphic designer and artist responsible for some of the most iconic horror film posters of the 1980s. Davis will be hosting a Christmas horror triple bill in December. Nightmares & Deadites completely sold out so booking tickets in advance for December is highly advised.

About Sex, But Not – ‘ThunderCats’ (1985-1990)

7 Sep

ON THE SURFACE – An animated television series in which a group of cat-like humanoid aliens have adventures on the planet Third Earth.

SCRAPING THE BARREL – An animated television series in which a group of cat-like humanoid aliens represent different aspects of sexuality. Created as a children’s television show which always ended on a moral lesson being learnt, ThunderCats also provides a long-running subconscious teaching of sex, sexuality and sexual relationships. Need proof? Go back and watch your DVD box sets. Lion-O and his character stand for adolescent sexuality; all he wants to do is lose his virginity (pass his Anointment and become Lord of the ThunderCats). Desperately trying to get attention by getting into all sorts of scrapes and wanting to act and become older than he is, Lion-O just wants to join the big boy club. Having woken from his suspended animation in an adult body (gone through puberty), Lion-O now has to let his younger mind catch up (understand those sexual urges). Like many men struggling with their new-found manhood, Lion-O is a little preoccupied with his penis, frequently getting erections and ejaculating (Sword of Omens, ‘Thunder, Thunder, ThunderCats, HO!’). Cheetara and Tygra represent the sexually compatible couple who can’t keep their hands off of each other and are driven by sex. Note how many times they both disappear together… Who could also forget the episode in which Cheetara has her first ‘vision’? Go back and watch how she enlightens the rest of the group to the female orgasm in that scene. WilyKit and WilyKat are the two prepubescent members of the group enjoying their friendship before their hormones kick in, because we all know that when they do its going to get a little complicated… Lastly, Panthro represents homosexuality amongst the ThunderCats. Created in the mid 1980s when paranoia about AIDS was at its highest, note how, sadly, Panthro is left on his own most of the time. Wearing his bondage gear…

‘Green Porno’ & ‘Seduce Me’ by Isabella Rossellini

12 Aug

Green Porno: Snail

Do you like imaginative filmmaking? Paper sculptures? Animals? Sex? Do you think that Isabella Rossellini is a genius? If you answer yes to at least one of those questions, chances are you’ll love Green Porno and Seduce Me. Originally conceived as an experimental series of short films to showcase on The Sundance Channel, Green Porno has grown into a collection of seasons dedicated to exploring animal sexual behaviour, with often informative and humorous effect.

Seduce Me: Dolphin

My first experience of both Green Porno and it’s sister season Seduce Me was at the Natural History Museum’s Sexual Nature Exhibition. This is a fantastic exhibition dedicated to exploring and showing the diversity of sexual behaviour amongst the animal kingdom and Rossellini’s short films sat perfectly alongside the displays. Each two-minute feature is dedicated to a specific creature and is well researched beforehand by Rossellini to ensure accuracy in its information. The content is then scripted, sets and costumes are beautifully created using paper sculptures and puppetry and each segment completed in around a day.

Green Porno: Praying Mantis

Rossellini herself admits that she has always been interested in animal behaviour and so when she was approached by Sundance to do some experimental short films, animals and sex were the first things she thought of. Even she was surprised at how ‘scandalous’ nature actually is! I had always known that sexual behaviour in the animal kingdom was infinitely diverse, including homosexuality, multiple partners, necrophilia, asexuality, incest, monogamy and masturbation (to name a few!). But I genuinely learnt things from the series of films that I had no previous clue about, like the fact that male Dragonfly’s clean out the vagina of the female they are about to mate with to get rid of any sperm deposited from another male before they copulate. Or that Starfish are both sexual and asexual, they can also breed by detaching parts of themselves to grow other Starfish. Snail’s have both a penis and a vagina. Shrimp are born male but grow into females as they get older. A male Bee’s penis plugs the female’s vagina after they have had sex to ensure that no other sperm can get inside. They then lose their penis and end up dying of blood loss.

Seduce Me: Duck

And that really is the beauty in Rossellini’s short films. They are incredibly informative and also ridiculously hilarious to watch, making them easily accessible to scientists, filmmakers, artists and others. If the bluntness of Rossellini’s acting doesn’t get you laughing, than the basic imagery or the beautiful yet crude paper sets and creations will. Want to give porn with an environmental and educational slant a go? Choose Green Porno!

Green Porno: Whale

About Sex, But Not – ‘Death Proof’ (2007)

11 Aug

ON THE SURFACE – A film about a man who kills women by using his car.

SCRAPING THE BARREL – A film about a man suffering from performance anxiety. Just like the slasher film employed phallic objects to represent the penis, director Tarantino uses lead character Stuntman Mike’s car to represent his sexual drive. Stuntman Mike can’t get it up and can’t give it out. Need proof? The scene where he goes to sneeze in front of the girls but it just doesn’t happen. I don’t think I have ever seen a more obvious metaphor for a man failing to ejaculate at the moment he most needs to. It’s not that Mike doesn’t get aroused, check him (and the rest of your audience) getting hot watching the lap dance that Butterfly gives him. It’s the closet thing he gets to physical foreplay with another person. But give him his car, an extension of his penis, and watch him dish it out real good. The first car crash at the start of the film is effectively his orgasm and ejaculation (watch those cars blow up!). However, in the second part of the film watch his performance get taunted by the second group of girls he chases and his lack of confidence take over. Is there anything more demeaning for him that being hit with an iron rod bigger than his own cock by a woman? He is an example of a man who can’t handle an overt female sexuality and he gets shot down, literally, for it. As Earl McGraw says, ‘It’s a sex thing’.

Go With The Flow – Bud Townsend’s ‘Alice In Wonderland’ (1976)

26 Jul

Following on from Al Adamson’s sexploitation-musical Cinderella 2000 , I gave Bud Townsend’s 1976 X-Rated musical Alice In Wonderland a viewing, with it proving more entertaining than the former! Originally released as an X certificate feature, the film was picked up by 20th Century Fox and re-released the following year with an R-rating and three minutes of cuts. Upon its VHS release, the three minutes of hardcore footage were reinstated and the DVD disc menu gives you the option to watch either this ‘XXX’ version or the cut ‘X’ version. Of course I was going to choose the ‘XXX’ version!

The picture begins with a screen message telling the audience that the feature being seen is a ‘brand new motion picture’ with ‘never before seen scenes’. The supposed speculation that extra footage had been shot was correct and ‘the Producer has finally relented. The public should be allowed to see this motion picture as it was intended to be shown’. In other words, the cut footage has been put back in. After a credit song that could rival the disco-esque title tunes of Cinderella 2000 and Norman J. Warren’s Spaced Out (1979), we are introduced to our titular Alice, Playboy Pin-Up and cover girl Kristine DeBell. The situation that Alice is in is your very basic and typical porno/sexploitation relationship scenario. She has a potential love interest, William, but she spurns his advances deciding working as a librarian is more important and time-consuming. Cue William’s response of ‘You’re body’s all grown up but still the mind of a little girl… too bad you’re missing so much… You’ve got all the equipment, you just don’t know how to put it to work’.

Kristen DeBell promoting the film on the front cover for the April 1976 issue of Playboy

 After being left by William, she falls asleep reading a copy of Alice In Wonderland and suddenly finds herself being taken on a journey of sexual discovery. This is when it starts to get a little bizarre, with cue cards announcing sexual landmarks that Alice is about to overcome (‘Alice makes new friends and gets a lickin”, ‘Alice learns you can’t keep a good man down’) and the odd moment that’s meant to be erotic but feels awkward. Kudos to the filmmakers though for being the first adaptation of Alice that I’ve seen where she drinks the ‘Drink Me’ potion and her clothes don’t shrink with her. Then again, it is a porno so getting her nude in the first ten minutes is pretty much a ‘must’…

The film is full of a cast that Lewis Carroll would be jealous of. Wonderland’s animal creatures are far more disturbing than the woodland friends of Cinderella’s in Cinderella 2000, channeling the school-play-gone-bad look. They also play host to the most awkward sexual moment in a porno I’ve seen so far, asking Alice to come back and let them play with her when her breasts are full of milk. Not really what I want to hear when I’m trying to get off… The Mad Hatter is typically off the wall with a penis that’s just a big to match (‘That’s not the size of my hat, that’s the size of my thingymajig!’). Much to my surprise, Humpty Dumpty makes an appearance (I had no idea he featured in Carroll’s sequel Through The Looking Glass) with a problem that could easily be solved in this decade with a certain blue pill. The Queen of Hearts is a sexual predator out to sleep with whoever she wants, with a wardrobe that could quite possibly be worn by Lady Gaga in the next few weeks. My favourite interpretation would be that of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, two incredibly randy teenagers who are stuck to each others bodies like glue. They also get the prize of the best interchange between two characters; ‘I love you like a brother’, ‘Aren’t you forgetting I am your brother’.

To sum up, if you like dated porno chic and pornography that genuinely tries to have some kind of narrative then this is a must. Far more musically accomplished than other musical sexploitation pictures that came out in the same decade, the film certainly does have some unique charm about it despite being full of clichés (Alice and William do end up together in the end, having the most ‘romanticized’ candle-lit sex with each other I have seen yet…). Kristen DeBell is delightful as Alice and tries to play her with more to her character than just a two-dimensional adult movie prop. She continued to act in TV movies and series but her career never really took off to stellar heights which is a shame as she seemed to have some actual talent (and no, I’m not talking of that kind of talent…). If it’s sex you’re after than the ‘XXX’ cut has its far share, from the somewhat touching moments between Tweedledum and Tweedledee to the random, like The White Rabbit taking the euphemism for cunnilingus of ‘eating out’ to the next level by literally eating out a woman’s vagina with a spoon. Now, if that doesn’t sell it to you somehow, I’m not sure what else will.